Chronicles of Life with Multiple Sclerosis
Does anyone else with MS get headaches/migraines that come on at a certain point almost every day? What do you do about it? I can only assume that it’s MS related and possibly a new lesion after I was sick with the flu but urgh, I’m fucking sick of this shit.
I get this. I sort of think of it like an MS hug of the head.. For me it also works with my residual optic neuritis heat/stress induced blindness.. one eye at a time.. but the headache/migraine feeling comes first and can be horrifying in itself.. and though often leads to blindness in one eye not always. I take my baclofen with some ibuprofen and some caffeinated tea/coffee along with Gatorade/power aid. It doesn’t’ always work but I go with the sometimes successful stats. heh.
Pain sucks. I don’t remember what pain free is. There is never a day I don’t have pain, never a moment I don’t have pain.
I do not want comments on how sorry you are or how strong I am. I am not strong, I am merely surviving. Well… not really true. I am not just surviving, I am fighting to not let the pain stop me from living, laughing, and loving. That is my goal.
What I would like you to do is to stop and look at your life and if you are not in pain, be thankful. If you are in constant pain, know you are not alone and fight to be happy, to live life to it’s fullest despite it all.
It’s a constant struggle.
I hate being asked if I am feeling bad. There is never any answer but one. So it makes me feel like I am constantly negative… unless I lie.
Many around me have learned to ask how my day is, or how bad is the pain today… and that I can answer positive at times. There are days where the pain is less than others, and those are the days I cherish.
For those with a chronic illness, strive to not let it define you. Use it to make you a better person. I think at times my pain has made me better appreciate the small things in life.
When I have a day with mild pain, it is euphoric. Almost like a drug. An amazing feeling.
When I am in extreme pain, and it is overwhelming, I soak in a hug from Hannah or a joke from Allison. I glean from anything that will make me smile.
No one can understand my pain unless they too suffer from chronic pain. No one. But I am lucky that while people may not understand, they are understanding. And I have those people in my life, and for that, I am grateful.
Yes, today is one of those really bad days. And I can’t tell myself, just hang on, soon it will be over and you’ll be pain free. I know that I will be in pain for the rest of my life.
But, just as I told those not in pain to be thankful, I am thankful it is not worse. I am thankful I have people in my life who care, who make me laugh. I am thankful I can walk. I am thankful I am loved. I am thankful the pain is not worse. I am thankful.